Wow, it's been a little while since I've written. And for a while, that's because I was still in the same place...and I honestly had no idea how to get out of that place. I knew what I was spiritually needing to be, but not how to physically get there.
I'll be honest with you here...I still can't define a step by step process of what I physically have been doing that's been different. But my everyday walk is so different. And it's incredible.
This past weekend, I went on my college/20 something's retreat and it was called "Be Glorified." It was all about how we were created to bring God glory. I learned so much at the retreat, but it wasn't an emotional high coming down from the retreat...in fact, the retreat was almost the opposite for me. Yes it was refreshing, but it was very humbling and convicting as well. In the midst of living out this life for God's glory is the core desire to not do my will, but His. John says it this way:
"I carry out the will of him who sent me, not my own will." -John 5:30
And in Peter, it says:
"This is the will of God, that your honorable lives may speak to those who would rise against you." -1 Peter 2:15
And again in Matthew:
"Turn from your selfish ways and take up your cross and follow me." -Matthew 16:4
Honorable life. His will. His way. When I look back at my life, I want to see that it was for the glory of God. I want to be his hands, his feet, his mouth. I want to have taken the road less traveled...not so that I can say "Look at me" or anything...but just to glorify the Father. I want to look back and see that I have been sold out for God in my daily words and actions. I saw someone write this a few weeks ago, "I want to preach the gospel at all times, and only use words when necessary." What an incredible thought and prayer.
God is teaching me that in the midst of going through this refining process, there will be suffering. Not that I have a bad life, but that is promised to us. And that idea has been brought to me 50+ times from various sources, scriptural readings, teachings, etc. in the past couple of weeks. But guess what? It's a refining fire!! Fires hurt! And that's okay. You see, God is right there with us in the midst of our sufferings, trials, temptations...all of it.
I have this image burned in my mind...I see this narrow gravel path to my left with a few trees and very little grass. The wider road to my right is covered with a canopy of trees and is very shady. But I'm not called to go through the comfortable, wide path. I am called to be sanctified and take the narrower path. At the end of this path, I see God the Father waiting for me with open arms. Inside of me, I take the Holy Spirit to guide me. And running next to me is the One who has already finished this road...Jesus Christ. The one who completed it with full humility.
"Jesus didn't consider equality with God something to be grasped, but emptied himself. And being found in human form he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death-even death on a cross." -Philippians 2:6-8
Anyway, I am going through quite the learning process, but there is so much joy in the midst of it. I'm pursuing God with all that I am and praying for wisdom and for answers to some big prayers. I've already seen God answer in some big ways, and I am so grateful to him for his patience, grace, love, and his refining process.
"Cause all you are is all I want, always. Draw me close in your arms, Oh God. I wanna be with you." Always Hillsong
