For the past five or so days, I have not been able to stop thinking about this idea...the idea of fighting for love. I think most girls love the idea of a guy fighting for her. We cheer in romances when there's a struggle, and either the guy or the girl fights for their significant other...they know it's the "love of their life" and that they don't want to give it up.
And then listening "Love is War" by Hillsong United, a thought hit me. What if we fought for our love for Jesus Christ with that kind of passion all of the time? He is the love of our lives. Or he should be. What kind of amazing things would we be doing for the kingdom of God if we lived with that relentless love and passion all of the time?
"Turn my eyes to see Your face
As all my fears surrender
Hold my heart within this grace
Where burden turns to wonder
"I will fight to follow
I will fight for love
Throw my life forever
To the triumph of the Son"
This song says I will throw my life forever to the triumph of the Son. This is exactly what Paul was talking about in Galatians 2:20 when he said "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." And he says something similar in Philippians 1:21, "For to me to live is Christ, to die is gain."
So I suppose at this point, having been mulling over those verses and the chorus of that song, I'm seeing life in a brand new way. I'm fighting for my love of Christ. I'm not afraid of the love of God relenting (because it won't), so please don't understand that to be my meaning. I mean that I'm fighting against my own flesh, the ways of this world, and the sin that so easily entangles us so that I may radiate that love; to fight for it with a passion unlike any other I've ever known or will know. I want to fight for the love of my life so that the love of God consumes me. I want my life to be about bringing glory to God. And I want to be passionately running after him, fighting for it. It's the most important thing in this life. It's time I fully took of that and lived that way.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Monday, October 7, 2013
The Life of a Soldier
The last three months have been some of the most difficult in my life. When I look back, it's almost overwhelming just to think about. Back in July (right around the time of my last blog post), I took a serious stand. This had started back in June, but during this time in July, I confessed everything that had been going on in my life for the past several years to my wonderful and loving parents. Ever since then, my life has been a giant war zone. Every area of my life has been under attack almost constantly and all I've known to do is press in to God, to cling to my Rock. I've had brief moments or days of reprieve and refreshing, but then the storm started right back up just as intense as before.
This past weekend, I went on the fall retreat with my 20 somethings ministry through my church. I knew that besides wanting to, I needed to go. But until I was up there, I didn't know how much I needed to be up there. Crooked Creek Ranch in Frasier, CO is probably the most beautiful place I have ever been to. It's a breath of fresh air for my heart just to be in such a place of beauty, thanking God for the opportunity to see his creation. The very first night we were there while the message was being given, I was listening but honestly not feeling as if the message applied to me in any new way. Then I heard God clearly speak to me in a way I never have before. "I am with you and I will guide you. You are free from all that has been coming against you. I am for you, and I will intervene on your behalf." And then I knew. As I've been fighting these battles across the last several months, crying out to God, and not knowing what to do besides stand firm, he was there the whole time. He was helping me, giving me strength to continue, a strength far surpassing my own. Without his super natural strength, I would have crumpled under the weight of the battle almost immediately. But in that moment, God intervened. There was a physical change inside of me that I cannot even begin to describe. And I remembered a moment in one of my favorite music videos (4:20-4:55 in the video below, specifically 4:52).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA
I realized that night that I had subconsciously started feeling like God had forgotten about me. I've never before experienced that. Ever. And it was incredibly humbling to realize. But he certainly hadn't. And that night he showed up in such a real way, throwing off everything that had been attacking me across the last three months. I am so grateful to my Father.
Having been fighting so intensely for several months straight, I knew God was going to do something beyond what I could imagine at a retreat called "Soldier." That night he also spoke to me that I needed to let go of all of the things I'd been fighting, processing, holding onto. He had something that would surpass any of my expectations. So I did. The next night, I could not believe how true that statement was. The message taught that evening was possibly the best I have ever heard.
"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves, take up their cross and follow me."
To live the life of a disciple, a soldier of God, you have to die first. Die to yourself, your earthly desires, your sinful ways. That night as I was praying and considering what it was that God would have me lay down, I was convicted to my core of two things I've struggled with my whole life and refused to let go of. Those two things died there that night and so can no longer be a part of my life. I wish I could convey to you as my reader the intense battle that took place in the meeting room on Saturday night. I've never experienced anything like it as person after person crucified pieces of themselves for the sake of pursuing Christ. And while this was convicting beyond belief, it was so freeing as well. Jim Elliot (a famous missionary) once said, "He is no fool, who gives what he can't keep, to gain what he can't lose." And that's what happened. We gave up things that we can't keep, things that are death to us, to gain more of what we can never lose in this lifetime or the next.
I want my life to be echoing what Jesus told God the Father in John 17: "I brought you glory by finishing (all of) the work you gave me to do." All of it. That is why we're here, to bring glory to the one who deserves it, who is worthy of it. So as I move forward from such a liberating, painful, joyous, refreshing weekend, I press in to my calling. I will seek his face until my time is done. I will be a soldier for the kingdom of God.
"You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the One who enlisted him." -2 Timothy 2:1-4
This past weekend, I went on the fall retreat with my 20 somethings ministry through my church. I knew that besides wanting to, I needed to go. But until I was up there, I didn't know how much I needed to be up there. Crooked Creek Ranch in Frasier, CO is probably the most beautiful place I have ever been to. It's a breath of fresh air for my heart just to be in such a place of beauty, thanking God for the opportunity to see his creation. The very first night we were there while the message was being given, I was listening but honestly not feeling as if the message applied to me in any new way. Then I heard God clearly speak to me in a way I never have before. "I am with you and I will guide you. You are free from all that has been coming against you. I am for you, and I will intervene on your behalf." And then I knew. As I've been fighting these battles across the last several months, crying out to God, and not knowing what to do besides stand firm, he was there the whole time. He was helping me, giving me strength to continue, a strength far surpassing my own. Without his super natural strength, I would have crumpled under the weight of the battle almost immediately. But in that moment, God intervened. There was a physical change inside of me that I cannot even begin to describe. And I remembered a moment in one of my favorite music videos (4:20-4:55 in the video below, specifically 4:52).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA
I realized that night that I had subconsciously started feeling like God had forgotten about me. I've never before experienced that. Ever. And it was incredibly humbling to realize. But he certainly hadn't. And that night he showed up in such a real way, throwing off everything that had been attacking me across the last three months. I am so grateful to my Father.
Having been fighting so intensely for several months straight, I knew God was going to do something beyond what I could imagine at a retreat called "Soldier." That night he also spoke to me that I needed to let go of all of the things I'd been fighting, processing, holding onto. He had something that would surpass any of my expectations. So I did. The next night, I could not believe how true that statement was. The message taught that evening was possibly the best I have ever heard.
"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves, take up their cross and follow me."
To live the life of a disciple, a soldier of God, you have to die first. Die to yourself, your earthly desires, your sinful ways. That night as I was praying and considering what it was that God would have me lay down, I was convicted to my core of two things I've struggled with my whole life and refused to let go of. Those two things died there that night and so can no longer be a part of my life. I wish I could convey to you as my reader the intense battle that took place in the meeting room on Saturday night. I've never experienced anything like it as person after person crucified pieces of themselves for the sake of pursuing Christ. And while this was convicting beyond belief, it was so freeing as well. Jim Elliot (a famous missionary) once said, "He is no fool, who gives what he can't keep, to gain what he can't lose." And that's what happened. We gave up things that we can't keep, things that are death to us, to gain more of what we can never lose in this lifetime or the next.
I want my life to be echoing what Jesus told God the Father in John 17: "I brought you glory by finishing (all of) the work you gave me to do." All of it. That is why we're here, to bring glory to the one who deserves it, who is worthy of it. So as I move forward from such a liberating, painful, joyous, refreshing weekend, I press in to my calling. I will seek his face until my time is done. I will be a soldier for the kingdom of God.
"You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the One who enlisted him." -2 Timothy 2:1-4
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