It's interesting to me how God moves and works, how he shifts our lives and opens our eyes. I had a deep, heart-filling conversations with one of my best friends the other night. This conversation was wonderful and heart-wrenching, but I suppose you can cover almost every spectrum after almost 3 hours.
A few weeks back, she was struggling in how to walk out a situation that didn't seem to be changing and needed to. I realized as she was talking that she was experiencing a spiritual and mental battle similar to one I was walking out about this time last summer. And although the circumstances leading up to that were different for us both, the number of similarities were astonishing. As she poured her heart out to me, I felt like I was listening to myself from 12 months back. Although what I walked through is not something I would've ever chosen for myself and certainly not for her, I realized that God was using my past and all that he taught me in that moment to talk to her. I found myself grateful to God that I had walked through that trying situation, because it meant that he could use me now to help her. And I pray that God was able to use me the way he wanted as a source of encouragement for her.
Our latest conversation started out as a follow-up to the previously described conversation. But as the conversation progressed, we ended up talking about a subject that has affected our friendship very deeply and has been like a weight upon us. And that subject has to do with the consequences of disobeying God. There was a situation that God clearly told me not to walk into, and at first, that's exactly what I was intending...to listen and follow that. But I fell. And in doing so, I allowed another dear friend to be put into a situation God never intended. I've struggled a lot with guilt honestly. I know that she has repented and that I've repented...but I still struggle with feeling the weight of her decision because I chose to disobey God. But as the friend I was talking to reminded me, "We are here to be friends and be accountable to each other, but we are not responsible for each other."
This was exactly what God wanted me to know both then and now. There are definitely ramifications of each of our decisions, but my sin was my own and her sin was her own. I cannot accept the weight of that. And after repenting before the Almighty, I no longer can hold my own sin over myself either because of the redemption, forgiveness, and the loving grace bestowed upon me.
Through that situation where I stumbled so blatantly, God has brought me to such an amazing place. For quite some time now, there has been a huge battle going on in my life. One of my other (non-Christian) friends commented to me last summer that it seemed like there were 2 sides warring inside of me. After that situation happened, I knew that there was a choice that had to be made. And although God always provides a way out in the midst of our sin, this choice was a black and white choice between choosing to follow God or following a life of sin. And in that moment as I knew God was telling me to choose, to give it all to him in pure surrender and abandon, my flesh started warring anew. But I said no. It was time to give up that lifestyle, to grow up and move forward in my walk with God. A verse out of 1 Corinthians kept coming back to me.
"When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. But when I was man, I gave up childish ways." -1 Corinthians 13:11
So much has changed in my life in the last month since the aforementioned incident. I'm different. I feel more like myself than I have in years. I haven't reverted back, but rather am going through a restoration process to what God has been intending for me to be all along. I've learned so much about how each decision I make really does have an effect in the spiritual realm, sometimes in ways much larger than I can actually comprehend. There has been freedom from the bondage that sin had been holding over me. There's freedom in knowing who I am in Christ, a forgiven child of the living God. There's freedom to no longer bear the weight of past sins, to release myself from all of it.
"You bring restoration
You bring restoration
You bring restoration to my soul
"You've taken my pain
You've called me by a new name
You've taken my shame
And in its place, You give me joy
"You take my mourning and turn it into dancing
You take my weeping and turn it into laughing
You take my mourning and turn it into dancing
You take my sadness and turn it into joy
"You give me joy, You give me joy
You give me joy in my soul
"Hallelujah, hallelujah
You make all things new, all things new
Hallelujah, hallelujah
You make all things new, all things new"
-"Restoration" by David Brymer
This whole experience has been one of pain, starting with my sin and ending with God's mercy in repentance. I was completely broken in a way I've never before experienced and there are still physical ramifications to my choice and my friend's choice. But God has called me out of that and set me free and for that I am beyond grateful. I pray and would appreciate your prayers as well that my life be a beacon of Christ to the lost.
"For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
About So Much More Than Fitness
Over the past several weeks, I've been reflecting on the last 9ish months of my life. Before last August, I danced some, but was never looking to be active or fit. To be honest, I didn't even know where to begin when it came to getting fit. My university actually requires us nerds to take a certain amount of physical activities classes in order to graduate, and my roommate convinced me to sign up for a 7am aerobics class with her. I honestly felt like I'd gone crazy, because that is the last thing in the world I actually wanted to do.
At the beginning of the class in August, the instructor had us write down fitness goals and why we were taking the class. I'm sure most people put down answers like "filling a PA credit" or some such. I had some very personal reasons to put down. In fact, they're personal enough that I've never shared them with anyone else, and I'm not even going to share them here. But the point is, I realized in that moment that I actually had a fear, and an extreme one.
After a few months of training, I realized I was getting stronger and more confident. At that point, I also decided to sign up for another semester of the class. Last semester was great for helping me build a base fitness, but this semester has shown me so much more about myself than I thought possible. God made human beings incredibly capable of so many things, and that includes me. And as great as building confidence has been, I've also learned so much more. I've learned about things that God knew that I could do. My instructor encouraged us to sign up for some kind of race, to have a goal to work towards. I decided to do something I never, ever thought I would do.
Now I don't want to convey I'm Ms. Superfit or anything like that. But if you asked me 6 months ago if I would ever consider running a 5K, I would have flat out laughed and said no...Three days ago, I ran my first 5K in about 27 minutes. Even as I'm writing I'm thinking of how I want to convey what I feel. You see, I didn't think that I could run a 5K. I didn't think I would ever be able to run 3 miles. I didn't think that I could do so many things. And I guess what I've been learning is that God has made me able. He made me more than a conquerer, and I know that seems trivial in this case. But knowing that I can do physical things encourages me in my spiritual walk as well. And because this was my first racing event, I have an entirely new perspective on Hebrews 12:1-2.
"...let us lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith..."
You see, in order to run, you don't want to be carrying a bunch of heavy weights. Another version of that verse encourages to throw aside every encumbrance, whatever that may be. Fear, pride, discouragement, sin. You want to run well, to run strong, to run towards that finish line. And every time I run, I try to always sprint the last stretch because I like to finish strong. But I see that in our spiritual walk, running the race with endurance means running strong the entire time, not just at the end. That seems daunting and difficult (and it's promised to be), but I know that the founder and perfecter of our faith has already gone before us. So now it's up to us...to not just take care of the temple God has given us in this life, but to run that race that has been set before us with endurance. Run well my friends and God bless.
At the beginning of the class in August, the instructor had us write down fitness goals and why we were taking the class. I'm sure most people put down answers like "filling a PA credit" or some such. I had some very personal reasons to put down. In fact, they're personal enough that I've never shared them with anyone else, and I'm not even going to share them here. But the point is, I realized in that moment that I actually had a fear, and an extreme one.
After a few months of training, I realized I was getting stronger and more confident. At that point, I also decided to sign up for another semester of the class. Last semester was great for helping me build a base fitness, but this semester has shown me so much more about myself than I thought possible. God made human beings incredibly capable of so many things, and that includes me. And as great as building confidence has been, I've also learned so much more. I've learned about things that God knew that I could do. My instructor encouraged us to sign up for some kind of race, to have a goal to work towards. I decided to do something I never, ever thought I would do.
Now I don't want to convey I'm Ms. Superfit or anything like that. But if you asked me 6 months ago if I would ever consider running a 5K, I would have flat out laughed and said no...Three days ago, I ran my first 5K in about 27 minutes. Even as I'm writing I'm thinking of how I want to convey what I feel. You see, I didn't think that I could run a 5K. I didn't think I would ever be able to run 3 miles. I didn't think that I could do so many things. And I guess what I've been learning is that God has made me able. He made me more than a conquerer, and I know that seems trivial in this case. But knowing that I can do physical things encourages me in my spiritual walk as well. And because this was my first racing event, I have an entirely new perspective on Hebrews 12:1-2.
"...let us lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith..."
You see, in order to run, you don't want to be carrying a bunch of heavy weights. Another version of that verse encourages to throw aside every encumbrance, whatever that may be. Fear, pride, discouragement, sin. You want to run well, to run strong, to run towards that finish line. And every time I run, I try to always sprint the last stretch because I like to finish strong. But I see that in our spiritual walk, running the race with endurance means running strong the entire time, not just at the end. That seems daunting and difficult (and it's promised to be), but I know that the founder and perfecter of our faith has already gone before us. So now it's up to us...to not just take care of the temple God has given us in this life, but to run that race that has been set before us with endurance. Run well my friends and God bless.
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