Re-partitioning My Hard Drive

Okay so this summer I started working at the computer tech center at my university. This analogy will be incredibly nerdy, mostly because I know that I am incredibly nerdy. If you bear with me, I think it will be worth it.
I am a Mac user. When you want to install Windows on a Mac, most of the time we go through the process  of partitioning the hard drive and allocating a certain amount of space to use both the Mac OS and Windows.

So I was at church on Sunday and one of the things that Pastor Chad was talking about was how often times we get distracted by busyness to the point that we forget our purpose. Now for any of you who have read my past blogs, you'll notice that I have made a similar observation. If you are just now reading my blog for the first time, try reading my post "Just Living Life" here. Now I don't know what your life is like. I may not know you at all. But just so you get a glimpse into my life, since the semester started 2 weeks ago, I have had less than 3 hours of "me" time. This means being at school between 06:30-06:45 and not spending a substantial amount of time at home till about 22:00 on average, and then the rest of my night is spent doing homework and sleeping.
My life has been the epitome of busyness. And as great as it has been to spend time with people and even do a lot of enjoyable things, where does that leave time for God? And the better question is, why am I trying to squeeze time for my Father into my life instead of prioritizing and arranging everything else around Him?
I cannot even begin to tell you how many times God has brought this to my attention. And I'll be decent at doing prioritizing Him for a while...and then I get back to just being busy.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." -Romans 12:2

Right now, I'm working on re-partitioning the hard drive that is my life. I don't want my life to be filled up with things and people and busyness and then try to squeeze time into my day for my heavenly Father. I want my time to be full of life. I want to spend my time around other people using it for the glory of God. I want to use my life and the opportunities presented to me to show who God really is...not some aloof being, but a dear, personal, intimate Father who loves us and wants us to know Him and have time with us.
Not only does God want and rightly deserve to have priority in our time, but also in our influence. I am a huge people person. And as much as I tend to try to put off a vibe of not caring what people think, the truth is I tend to care a great deal too much about what people think.
I'll give you an example. Today, I was on campus at our club fair working a booth for cru (formerly Campus Crusade for Christ) when I ran into someone who no longer goes to my university. I was more than shocked to see him and after seeing him, one of my best friends came over and pulled me aside. The influence this person has had on my life in the last few months is far larger than it has any right to be, and the shear surprise of seeing him upset me greatly. I literally burst into tears with the entire campus buzzing around right next to me. And while I didn't care who saw that I was crying, I was afraid to see him in case he saw...
WHY?? Why do I care so much about what he would think if I was crying? I obviously had emotion to process. But guess what? Instead of taking it straight to my Father and laying it down before him, I cried to my best friend feeling sorry for myself...

"...for you shall worship no other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God...." -Exodus 34:14

A god isn't just a physical idol as was often referred to in the Old Testament. A god is anything that pulls our eyes off of Jesus. Busyness, life, people, our sphere of influence. And as I've said before, none of those things on their own are bad things. Its simply what we do with them that can turn them into idols.

So I'm laying a lot of things down right now, and this is going to be a long process all the way around. Rearranging life, habits, thoughts, feelings, etc. is never an easy process. But I'm not the one doing it. I just have to allow God to work His work. (Isn't it crazy that the God of the universe created us to be able to have the will to allow Him to do things?? But that's a blog post for another time.)
I hope this has been helpful to you, or will be one day. Either way, I'm walking this journey out one moment at a time, actively pursuing God and His will.

Holding on Too Tightly

I think there are things in everyone's lives that we really want. A job, a family, to be loved, etc. For me, I know that God has promised me something, and for that I am extremely grateful because its something I have dreamed of and longed for. Across the past few weeks especially, I have found myself getting extremely impatient and grumbling to God. I trust that he will do what he has promised, but then I get frustrated about the timing...which when I stepped back and examined it, is a very arrogant and almost amusing mentality-angry and frustrated with the Lord of heaven, earth, everything that was, is, or ever will be.
At Fuel (my college/20 somethings group at church) this past week, the speaker said something that has resonated with me. When it comes to God's timing, not only his timing perfect, but the things that happen until whatever God has promised are stepping stones that we need to help prepare us for what's to come.
Then at church yesterday, I heard something incredibly humbling. "Abigail, if I chose to not do what I said - caviat being that God always does what he has promised (2 Samuel 7:28, Isaiah 38:7, Hebrews 10:23, Hebrews 10:36,)...it's about my heart in the midst of this - how would you view me? How would you react? Would you be okay, or would you be crushed?"

Wow...talk about humbling. It's not about whether or not that thing will ever actually be fulfilled. It's about the fact that I've held on to that thing so tightly for so long, that I had taken hold of it and tried to make it happen instead of leaving it in God's hands and trusting him for his perfect timing. Amazing, isn't it? What I did in that moment is abandon it back to God. And in the words of one of my dearest friends, "It's not just about abandoning it to him. It's about leaving it with him and not taking it back with you." I thought I would be heavy-hearted about this. But honestly, I feel so free and joyful doing so.

"No unbelief made him waiver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised." Romans 4:20-21