For the past five or so days, I have not been able to stop thinking about this idea...the idea of fighting for love. I think most girls love the idea of a guy fighting for her. We cheer in romances when there's a struggle, and either the guy or the girl fights for their significant other...they know it's the "love of their life" and that they don't want to give it up.
And then listening "Love is War" by Hillsong United, a thought hit me. What if we fought for our love for Jesus Christ with that kind of passion all of the time? He is the love of our lives. Or he should be. What kind of amazing things would we be doing for the kingdom of God if we lived with that relentless love and passion all of the time?
"Turn my eyes to see Your face
As all my fears surrender
Hold my heart within this grace
Where burden turns to wonder
"I will fight to follow
I will fight for love
Throw my life forever
To the triumph of the Son"
This song says I will throw my life forever to the triumph of the Son. This is exactly what Paul was talking about in Galatians 2:20 when he said "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." And he says something similar in Philippians 1:21, "For to me to live is Christ, to die is gain."
So I suppose at this point, having been mulling over those verses and the chorus of that song, I'm seeing life in a brand new way. I'm fighting for my love of Christ. I'm not afraid of the love of God relenting (because it won't), so please don't understand that to be my meaning. I mean that I'm fighting against my own flesh, the ways of this world, and the sin that so easily entangles us so that I may radiate that love; to fight for it with a passion unlike any other I've ever known or will know. I want to fight for the love of my life so that the love of God consumes me. I want my life to be about bringing glory to God. And I want to be passionately running after him, fighting for it. It's the most important thing in this life. It's time I fully took of that and lived that way.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Monday, October 7, 2013
The Life of a Soldier
The last three months have been some of the most difficult in my life. When I look back, it's almost overwhelming just to think about. Back in July (right around the time of my last blog post), I took a serious stand. This had started back in June, but during this time in July, I confessed everything that had been going on in my life for the past several years to my wonderful and loving parents. Ever since then, my life has been a giant war zone. Every area of my life has been under attack almost constantly and all I've known to do is press in to God, to cling to my Rock. I've had brief moments or days of reprieve and refreshing, but then the storm started right back up just as intense as before.
This past weekend, I went on the fall retreat with my 20 somethings ministry through my church. I knew that besides wanting to, I needed to go. But until I was up there, I didn't know how much I needed to be up there. Crooked Creek Ranch in Frasier, CO is probably the most beautiful place I have ever been to. It's a breath of fresh air for my heart just to be in such a place of beauty, thanking God for the opportunity to see his creation. The very first night we were there while the message was being given, I was listening but honestly not feeling as if the message applied to me in any new way. Then I heard God clearly speak to me in a way I never have before. "I am with you and I will guide you. You are free from all that has been coming against you. I am for you, and I will intervene on your behalf." And then I knew. As I've been fighting these battles across the last several months, crying out to God, and not knowing what to do besides stand firm, he was there the whole time. He was helping me, giving me strength to continue, a strength far surpassing my own. Without his super natural strength, I would have crumpled under the weight of the battle almost immediately. But in that moment, God intervened. There was a physical change inside of me that I cannot even begin to describe. And I remembered a moment in one of my favorite music videos (4:20-4:55 in the video below, specifically 4:52).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA
I realized that night that I had subconsciously started feeling like God had forgotten about me. I've never before experienced that. Ever. And it was incredibly humbling to realize. But he certainly hadn't. And that night he showed up in such a real way, throwing off everything that had been attacking me across the last three months. I am so grateful to my Father.
Having been fighting so intensely for several months straight, I knew God was going to do something beyond what I could imagine at a retreat called "Soldier." That night he also spoke to me that I needed to let go of all of the things I'd been fighting, processing, holding onto. He had something that would surpass any of my expectations. So I did. The next night, I could not believe how true that statement was. The message taught that evening was possibly the best I have ever heard.
"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves, take up their cross and follow me."
To live the life of a disciple, a soldier of God, you have to die first. Die to yourself, your earthly desires, your sinful ways. That night as I was praying and considering what it was that God would have me lay down, I was convicted to my core of two things I've struggled with my whole life and refused to let go of. Those two things died there that night and so can no longer be a part of my life. I wish I could convey to you as my reader the intense battle that took place in the meeting room on Saturday night. I've never experienced anything like it as person after person crucified pieces of themselves for the sake of pursuing Christ. And while this was convicting beyond belief, it was so freeing as well. Jim Elliot (a famous missionary) once said, "He is no fool, who gives what he can't keep, to gain what he can't lose." And that's what happened. We gave up things that we can't keep, things that are death to us, to gain more of what we can never lose in this lifetime or the next.
I want my life to be echoing what Jesus told God the Father in John 17: "I brought you glory by finishing (all of) the work you gave me to do." All of it. That is why we're here, to bring glory to the one who deserves it, who is worthy of it. So as I move forward from such a liberating, painful, joyous, refreshing weekend, I press in to my calling. I will seek his face until my time is done. I will be a soldier for the kingdom of God.
"You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the One who enlisted him." -2 Timothy 2:1-4
This past weekend, I went on the fall retreat with my 20 somethings ministry through my church. I knew that besides wanting to, I needed to go. But until I was up there, I didn't know how much I needed to be up there. Crooked Creek Ranch in Frasier, CO is probably the most beautiful place I have ever been to. It's a breath of fresh air for my heart just to be in such a place of beauty, thanking God for the opportunity to see his creation. The very first night we were there while the message was being given, I was listening but honestly not feeling as if the message applied to me in any new way. Then I heard God clearly speak to me in a way I never have before. "I am with you and I will guide you. You are free from all that has been coming against you. I am for you, and I will intervene on your behalf." And then I knew. As I've been fighting these battles across the last several months, crying out to God, and not knowing what to do besides stand firm, he was there the whole time. He was helping me, giving me strength to continue, a strength far surpassing my own. Without his super natural strength, I would have crumpled under the weight of the battle almost immediately. But in that moment, God intervened. There was a physical change inside of me that I cannot even begin to describe. And I remembered a moment in one of my favorite music videos (4:20-4:55 in the video below, specifically 4:52).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA
I realized that night that I had subconsciously started feeling like God had forgotten about me. I've never before experienced that. Ever. And it was incredibly humbling to realize. But he certainly hadn't. And that night he showed up in such a real way, throwing off everything that had been attacking me across the last three months. I am so grateful to my Father.
Having been fighting so intensely for several months straight, I knew God was going to do something beyond what I could imagine at a retreat called "Soldier." That night he also spoke to me that I needed to let go of all of the things I'd been fighting, processing, holding onto. He had something that would surpass any of my expectations. So I did. The next night, I could not believe how true that statement was. The message taught that evening was possibly the best I have ever heard.
"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves, take up their cross and follow me."
To live the life of a disciple, a soldier of God, you have to die first. Die to yourself, your earthly desires, your sinful ways. That night as I was praying and considering what it was that God would have me lay down, I was convicted to my core of two things I've struggled with my whole life and refused to let go of. Those two things died there that night and so can no longer be a part of my life. I wish I could convey to you as my reader the intense battle that took place in the meeting room on Saturday night. I've never experienced anything like it as person after person crucified pieces of themselves for the sake of pursuing Christ. And while this was convicting beyond belief, it was so freeing as well. Jim Elliot (a famous missionary) once said, "He is no fool, who gives what he can't keep, to gain what he can't lose." And that's what happened. We gave up things that we can't keep, things that are death to us, to gain more of what we can never lose in this lifetime or the next.
I want my life to be echoing what Jesus told God the Father in John 17: "I brought you glory by finishing (all of) the work you gave me to do." All of it. That is why we're here, to bring glory to the one who deserves it, who is worthy of it. So as I move forward from such a liberating, painful, joyous, refreshing weekend, I press in to my calling. I will seek his face until my time is done. I will be a soldier for the kingdom of God.
"You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the One who enlisted him." -2 Timothy 2:1-4
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
After a While...
It's interesting to me how God moves and works, how he shifts our lives and opens our eyes. I had a deep, heart-filling conversations with one of my best friends the other night. This conversation was wonderful and heart-wrenching, but I suppose you can cover almost every spectrum after almost 3 hours.
A few weeks back, she was struggling in how to walk out a situation that didn't seem to be changing and needed to. I realized as she was talking that she was experiencing a spiritual and mental battle similar to one I was walking out about this time last summer. And although the circumstances leading up to that were different for us both, the number of similarities were astonishing. As she poured her heart out to me, I felt like I was listening to myself from 12 months back. Although what I walked through is not something I would've ever chosen for myself and certainly not for her, I realized that God was using my past and all that he taught me in that moment to talk to her. I found myself grateful to God that I had walked through that trying situation, because it meant that he could use me now to help her. And I pray that God was able to use me the way he wanted as a source of encouragement for her.
Our latest conversation started out as a follow-up to the previously described conversation. But as the conversation progressed, we ended up talking about a subject that has affected our friendship very deeply and has been like a weight upon us. And that subject has to do with the consequences of disobeying God. There was a situation that God clearly told me not to walk into, and at first, that's exactly what I was intending...to listen and follow that. But I fell. And in doing so, I allowed another dear friend to be put into a situation God never intended. I've struggled a lot with guilt honestly. I know that she has repented and that I've repented...but I still struggle with feeling the weight of her decision because I chose to disobey God. But as the friend I was talking to reminded me, "We are here to be friends and be accountable to each other, but we are not responsible for each other."
This was exactly what God wanted me to know both then and now. There are definitely ramifications of each of our decisions, but my sin was my own and her sin was her own. I cannot accept the weight of that. And after repenting before the Almighty, I no longer can hold my own sin over myself either because of the redemption, forgiveness, and the loving grace bestowed upon me.
Through that situation where I stumbled so blatantly, God has brought me to such an amazing place. For quite some time now, there has been a huge battle going on in my life. One of my other (non-Christian) friends commented to me last summer that it seemed like there were 2 sides warring inside of me. After that situation happened, I knew that there was a choice that had to be made. And although God always provides a way out in the midst of our sin, this choice was a black and white choice between choosing to follow God or following a life of sin. And in that moment as I knew God was telling me to choose, to give it all to him in pure surrender and abandon, my flesh started warring anew. But I said no. It was time to give up that lifestyle, to grow up and move forward in my walk with God. A verse out of 1 Corinthians kept coming back to me.
"When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. But when I was man, I gave up childish ways." -1 Corinthians 13:11
So much has changed in my life in the last month since the aforementioned incident. I'm different. I feel more like myself than I have in years. I haven't reverted back, but rather am going through a restoration process to what God has been intending for me to be all along. I've learned so much about how each decision I make really does have an effect in the spiritual realm, sometimes in ways much larger than I can actually comprehend. There has been freedom from the bondage that sin had been holding over me. There's freedom in knowing who I am in Christ, a forgiven child of the living God. There's freedom to no longer bear the weight of past sins, to release myself from all of it.
"You bring restoration
You bring restoration
You bring restoration to my soul
"You've taken my pain
You've called me by a new name
You've taken my shame
And in its place, You give me joy
"You take my mourning and turn it into dancing
You take my weeping and turn it into laughing
You take my mourning and turn it into dancing
You take my sadness and turn it into joy
"You give me joy, You give me joy
You give me joy in my soul
"Hallelujah, hallelujah
You make all things new, all things new
Hallelujah, hallelujah
You make all things new, all things new"
-"Restoration" by David Brymer
This whole experience has been one of pain, starting with my sin and ending with God's mercy in repentance. I was completely broken in a way I've never before experienced and there are still physical ramifications to my choice and my friend's choice. But God has called me out of that and set me free and for that I am beyond grateful. I pray and would appreciate your prayers as well that my life be a beacon of Christ to the lost.
"For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."
A few weeks back, she was struggling in how to walk out a situation that didn't seem to be changing and needed to. I realized as she was talking that she was experiencing a spiritual and mental battle similar to one I was walking out about this time last summer. And although the circumstances leading up to that were different for us both, the number of similarities were astonishing. As she poured her heart out to me, I felt like I was listening to myself from 12 months back. Although what I walked through is not something I would've ever chosen for myself and certainly not for her, I realized that God was using my past and all that he taught me in that moment to talk to her. I found myself grateful to God that I had walked through that trying situation, because it meant that he could use me now to help her. And I pray that God was able to use me the way he wanted as a source of encouragement for her.
Our latest conversation started out as a follow-up to the previously described conversation. But as the conversation progressed, we ended up talking about a subject that has affected our friendship very deeply and has been like a weight upon us. And that subject has to do with the consequences of disobeying God. There was a situation that God clearly told me not to walk into, and at first, that's exactly what I was intending...to listen and follow that. But I fell. And in doing so, I allowed another dear friend to be put into a situation God never intended. I've struggled a lot with guilt honestly. I know that she has repented and that I've repented...but I still struggle with feeling the weight of her decision because I chose to disobey God. But as the friend I was talking to reminded me, "We are here to be friends and be accountable to each other, but we are not responsible for each other."
This was exactly what God wanted me to know both then and now. There are definitely ramifications of each of our decisions, but my sin was my own and her sin was her own. I cannot accept the weight of that. And after repenting before the Almighty, I no longer can hold my own sin over myself either because of the redemption, forgiveness, and the loving grace bestowed upon me.
Through that situation where I stumbled so blatantly, God has brought me to such an amazing place. For quite some time now, there has been a huge battle going on in my life. One of my other (non-Christian) friends commented to me last summer that it seemed like there were 2 sides warring inside of me. After that situation happened, I knew that there was a choice that had to be made. And although God always provides a way out in the midst of our sin, this choice was a black and white choice between choosing to follow God or following a life of sin. And in that moment as I knew God was telling me to choose, to give it all to him in pure surrender and abandon, my flesh started warring anew. But I said no. It was time to give up that lifestyle, to grow up and move forward in my walk with God. A verse out of 1 Corinthians kept coming back to me.
"When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. But when I was man, I gave up childish ways." -1 Corinthians 13:11
So much has changed in my life in the last month since the aforementioned incident. I'm different. I feel more like myself than I have in years. I haven't reverted back, but rather am going through a restoration process to what God has been intending for me to be all along. I've learned so much about how each decision I make really does have an effect in the spiritual realm, sometimes in ways much larger than I can actually comprehend. There has been freedom from the bondage that sin had been holding over me. There's freedom in knowing who I am in Christ, a forgiven child of the living God. There's freedom to no longer bear the weight of past sins, to release myself from all of it.
"You bring restoration
You bring restoration
You bring restoration to my soul
"You've taken my pain
You've called me by a new name
You've taken my shame
And in its place, You give me joy
"You take my mourning and turn it into dancing
You take my weeping and turn it into laughing
You take my mourning and turn it into dancing
You take my sadness and turn it into joy
"You give me joy, You give me joy
You give me joy in my soul
"Hallelujah, hallelujah
You make all things new, all things new
Hallelujah, hallelujah
You make all things new, all things new"
-"Restoration" by David Brymer
This whole experience has been one of pain, starting with my sin and ending with God's mercy in repentance. I was completely broken in a way I've never before experienced and there are still physical ramifications to my choice and my friend's choice. But God has called me out of that and set me free and for that I am beyond grateful. I pray and would appreciate your prayers as well that my life be a beacon of Christ to the lost.
"For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
About So Much More Than Fitness
Over the past several weeks, I've been reflecting on the last 9ish months of my life. Before last August, I danced some, but was never looking to be active or fit. To be honest, I didn't even know where to begin when it came to getting fit. My university actually requires us nerds to take a certain amount of physical activities classes in order to graduate, and my roommate convinced me to sign up for a 7am aerobics class with her. I honestly felt like I'd gone crazy, because that is the last thing in the world I actually wanted to do.
At the beginning of the class in August, the instructor had us write down fitness goals and why we were taking the class. I'm sure most people put down answers like "filling a PA credit" or some such. I had some very personal reasons to put down. In fact, they're personal enough that I've never shared them with anyone else, and I'm not even going to share them here. But the point is, I realized in that moment that I actually had a fear, and an extreme one.
After a few months of training, I realized I was getting stronger and more confident. At that point, I also decided to sign up for another semester of the class. Last semester was great for helping me build a base fitness, but this semester has shown me so much more about myself than I thought possible. God made human beings incredibly capable of so many things, and that includes me. And as great as building confidence has been, I've also learned so much more. I've learned about things that God knew that I could do. My instructor encouraged us to sign up for some kind of race, to have a goal to work towards. I decided to do something I never, ever thought I would do.
Now I don't want to convey I'm Ms. Superfit or anything like that. But if you asked me 6 months ago if I would ever consider running a 5K, I would have flat out laughed and said no...Three days ago, I ran my first 5K in about 27 minutes. Even as I'm writing I'm thinking of how I want to convey what I feel. You see, I didn't think that I could run a 5K. I didn't think I would ever be able to run 3 miles. I didn't think that I could do so many things. And I guess what I've been learning is that God has made me able. He made me more than a conquerer, and I know that seems trivial in this case. But knowing that I can do physical things encourages me in my spiritual walk as well. And because this was my first racing event, I have an entirely new perspective on Hebrews 12:1-2.
"...let us lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith..."
You see, in order to run, you don't want to be carrying a bunch of heavy weights. Another version of that verse encourages to throw aside every encumbrance, whatever that may be. Fear, pride, discouragement, sin. You want to run well, to run strong, to run towards that finish line. And every time I run, I try to always sprint the last stretch because I like to finish strong. But I see that in our spiritual walk, running the race with endurance means running strong the entire time, not just at the end. That seems daunting and difficult (and it's promised to be), but I know that the founder and perfecter of our faith has already gone before us. So now it's up to us...to not just take care of the temple God has given us in this life, but to run that race that has been set before us with endurance. Run well my friends and God bless.
At the beginning of the class in August, the instructor had us write down fitness goals and why we were taking the class. I'm sure most people put down answers like "filling a PA credit" or some such. I had some very personal reasons to put down. In fact, they're personal enough that I've never shared them with anyone else, and I'm not even going to share them here. But the point is, I realized in that moment that I actually had a fear, and an extreme one.
After a few months of training, I realized I was getting stronger and more confident. At that point, I also decided to sign up for another semester of the class. Last semester was great for helping me build a base fitness, but this semester has shown me so much more about myself than I thought possible. God made human beings incredibly capable of so many things, and that includes me. And as great as building confidence has been, I've also learned so much more. I've learned about things that God knew that I could do. My instructor encouraged us to sign up for some kind of race, to have a goal to work towards. I decided to do something I never, ever thought I would do.
Now I don't want to convey I'm Ms. Superfit or anything like that. But if you asked me 6 months ago if I would ever consider running a 5K, I would have flat out laughed and said no...Three days ago, I ran my first 5K in about 27 minutes. Even as I'm writing I'm thinking of how I want to convey what I feel. You see, I didn't think that I could run a 5K. I didn't think I would ever be able to run 3 miles. I didn't think that I could do so many things. And I guess what I've been learning is that God has made me able. He made me more than a conquerer, and I know that seems trivial in this case. But knowing that I can do physical things encourages me in my spiritual walk as well. And because this was my first racing event, I have an entirely new perspective on Hebrews 12:1-2.
"...let us lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith..."
You see, in order to run, you don't want to be carrying a bunch of heavy weights. Another version of that verse encourages to throw aside every encumbrance, whatever that may be. Fear, pride, discouragement, sin. You want to run well, to run strong, to run towards that finish line. And every time I run, I try to always sprint the last stretch because I like to finish strong. But I see that in our spiritual walk, running the race with endurance means running strong the entire time, not just at the end. That seems daunting and difficult (and it's promised to be), but I know that the founder and perfecter of our faith has already gone before us. So now it's up to us...to not just take care of the temple God has given us in this life, but to run that race that has been set before us with endurance. Run well my friends and God bless.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Living God's Grace
If you own any electronic device and are at all connected to the world, you've probably heard about the extreme debates surrounding gays' right to marriage.
Facebook has been absolutely flooded with posts, symbols, and profile pictures supporting gay rights...and attacking the Bible, along with anyone who believes what the Bible has to say. Of course, the posts that I've seen attacking various verses pull meanings out of context. And unfortunately, the posters certainly seem ignorant of the differences between the Old Covenant and the New Covenant. I am frustrated, but also incredibly saddened by this. I'm also saddened by the amount of hate speech I've seen on both sides.
An article I read earlier definitely summarizes a lot of what I'm feeling at the moment about the article, and the conflict I've struggled with in my own heart. (To check out the article, click here.) No matter where we stand on the issue, one thing is incredibly clear to me. I know what scripture says, and I know how much God longs for everyone to know who he really is.
God is who he is. People's opinions and thoughts don't change that. He is the God that never changes. He desperately longs for a relationship with every individual. With Easter only a few days away, I am even more reminded of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ to allow for that relationship and for us to live under the New Covenant (1 Timothy 2:5-6). The best ways I know to do that are by sharing the Gospel, loving others, and extending them God's grace. Reacting to anything out of the anger or frustration I may feel does not produce the righteousness of God (James 1:20).
So rather that react, I hope that you (and I) may be able to (by the grace of God) extend love and kindness to others, no matter the cost to ourselves. I pray you stand strong on the Word of God. May you be blessed with grace and peace and remember the ultimate sacrifice.
Happy Easter.
Facebook has been absolutely flooded with posts, symbols, and profile pictures supporting gay rights...and attacking the Bible, along with anyone who believes what the Bible has to say. Of course, the posts that I've seen attacking various verses pull meanings out of context. And unfortunately, the posters certainly seem ignorant of the differences between the Old Covenant and the New Covenant. I am frustrated, but also incredibly saddened by this. I'm also saddened by the amount of hate speech I've seen on both sides.
An article I read earlier definitely summarizes a lot of what I'm feeling at the moment about the article, and the conflict I've struggled with in my own heart. (To check out the article, click here.) No matter where we stand on the issue, one thing is incredibly clear to me. I know what scripture says, and I know how much God longs for everyone to know who he really is.
God is who he is. People's opinions and thoughts don't change that. He is the God that never changes. He desperately longs for a relationship with every individual. With Easter only a few days away, I am even more reminded of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ to allow for that relationship and for us to live under the New Covenant (1 Timothy 2:5-6). The best ways I know to do that are by sharing the Gospel, loving others, and extending them God's grace. Reacting to anything out of the anger or frustration I may feel does not produce the righteousness of God (James 1:20).
So rather that react, I hope that you (and I) may be able to (by the grace of God) extend love and kindness to others, no matter the cost to ourselves. I pray you stand strong on the Word of God. May you be blessed with grace and peace and remember the ultimate sacrifice.
Happy Easter.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
My SHIFT Retreat
Several weeks ago, some friends and I decided to volunteer for work crew on our church's upcoming SHIFT retreat for middle and high school students. So this weekend, we packed up and got on the buses to head to Buena Vista on Friday evening. One of the buses had mechanical issues, causing my ride to be 5 hours, and another group of students didn't arrive until 11:00pm. It was a rough way to start the weekend, but I let it go and moved on.
Saturday we got to serve the meals and clean pretty much all day. It was absolutely exhausting, but fun and such an amazing experience. We were supposed to leave the camp on Sunday, but a massive snow storm moved through the Buena Vista Denver areas, making it incredibly dangerous to leave. So we prepared for another night at the camp.
When I initially found out about having to stay another night, I immediately started stressing out about school. I had so much homework to get done before Monday, and assignments to get handed in. On top of that, Satan used that stress as an inlet to start throwing everything I'd been struggling with last week at me. I was so grateful for a friend that was able to sit down and pray with me and just see God calm my heart immediately. I was able to get extensions on homework and the stress began to dissipate.
God showed me so much this weekend, and very little of it would've happened if we hadn't been forced to stay an extra 24ish hours. He taught me to trust him. The storm was no surprise for him. I was able to focus on whatever got put in front of me to do and not about what tomorrow would bring. "Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious about itself." -Matthew 6:34
I was so grateful for my college group's teaching last week for one specific reminder: "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men." -Colossians 3:23 This reminder gave me such a peace, joy, and comfort to continue throughout the extended weekend, the exhaustion, the fears...
As God showed me all of these things on Sunday, very little was an instantaneous fix, but I could hear my Father saying "Just trust me." I had to constantly lay things before the cross and fight the urge to be anxious. But I was so grateful for his guidance and to have the opportunity to pass this encouragement on to two of my dear friends and sisters in Christ.
I cannot express how awful it is to see all of my plans that I've so carefully laid out get completely ripped out of my control. But in some ways, I almost wonder if God planned that storm just for me to learn how not in control I am and how in control he is.
"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your hand and says, Do not fear; I will help you." -Isaiah 41:13
Thursday, February 7, 2013
The Art of Waiting
For me, I know exactly what that thing is. (I'm sure there are many, but one sits at the forefront of my mind right now.) You see my church has been going through a relationship series, and a huge part of what has been talked about is sex. Inside the context of marriage, the way God designed it to be, it is beautiful and can be an act of worship. That's something you don't here very often, especially inside the church. On the flip-side of that though, sex outside of marriage is never what God intended. It ties 2 people together in a way that only husband and wife were intended to be.
My goal in writing this particular post is not to get into all the nitty-gritty details of all of that. I don't even particularly care if you completely disagree with me, because I know what the Bible says about sexual immorality (Song of Solomon, 1 Corinthians 6:13-20, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, Hebrews 13:4, Ephesians 5:5). If this is an area you are struggling in or have dealt with, please look further into this and know that that is between you and God.
The entire reason for writing right now is this. I have met several other Christian young ladies who say that they believe how I believe, in abstaining for sexual acts until marriage. As I implied above, this is something that I do not ever want to waver in. And I'm extremely grateful for the support of my 2 best friends in this matter. But some of those who have made the same claims here at school (and have been some of my closest friends at some point) were women I thought would stand with me. I thought we would support each other, rely on each other, and be a point of accountability to each other...and instead, I watch that slowly fade away.
I had a conversation with my mother yesterday, expressing how it feels like out of my friends here at school, I'm standing alone in this matter. What goes on in their lives is between them and God. I do not wish to express judgement towards them, mostly just the fact that I feel somewhat betrayed. I pray for them, but as Paul expresses, everything else is outside the body. You can't undo anything, but there are physical ramifications from sexual immorality, and I feel as though that has separated me from those who I at some point considered my closest friends.
It doesn't make me second guess my own choices, but it does sadden me. I miss having people to partner with...That's pretty much all I had. Just a flow of emotions both for myself and my friends.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Listen...Just Listen
You know what I have realized more and more over the past several months? How often we do not take time to listen. To listen to God, the people (many hurting) around us, the world around us, a song...
Listening can have a very large impact on our lives. I will caution you now that listening to too much of something besides God can have a very negative impact on your life. But I also believe that God gave us things in this world to enjoy and to do while we live here. This blog post in many ways may seem very random to you, my reader. But I've been doing a lot of thinking about this.
Around here, it's been very cold lately. But in the midst of the cold, I heard a bird. Just a single one. It flew with its flock, but it was the only to make a sound. In the middle of winter, hearing a bird is incredibly rare here. And that single sound, not heard by most around me, made me smile.
A single song that I heard in a completely random place has been resonating since I heard it...okay I heard it five minutes ago, so it doesn't really count. But there are songs (be they sacred or secular) that occasionally just resonate with something inside of me. It's not just a spark of emotion, its typically a spark of creativity, thought, journaling, prayer, etc. I wish I knew how to describe to you what I want to say right now.
I guess what I mean when I say listen is to simply take the time to be still. I know I'm not good at it. I'm learning how to be still and listen. I look and I see Jesus (though being very active in ministry) still took time to be alone, to pray, to seek God. I think why things like a bird singing or the right song make me stop is because they remind me to be quiet. To listen. To be still.
"Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" -Psalm 46:10
So whether you get reminded by a flower blossoming, a song, a verse...I encourage you as I have been encouraged. Take the time to be still. Listen.
Listening can have a very large impact on our lives. I will caution you now that listening to too much of something besides God can have a very negative impact on your life. But I also believe that God gave us things in this world to enjoy and to do while we live here. This blog post in many ways may seem very random to you, my reader. But I've been doing a lot of thinking about this.
Around here, it's been very cold lately. But in the midst of the cold, I heard a bird. Just a single one. It flew with its flock, but it was the only to make a sound. In the middle of winter, hearing a bird is incredibly rare here. And that single sound, not heard by most around me, made me smile.
A single song that I heard in a completely random place has been resonating since I heard it...okay I heard it five minutes ago, so it doesn't really count. But there are songs (be they sacred or secular) that occasionally just resonate with something inside of me. It's not just a spark of emotion, its typically a spark of creativity, thought, journaling, prayer, etc. I wish I knew how to describe to you what I want to say right now.
I guess what I mean when I say listen is to simply take the time to be still. I know I'm not good at it. I'm learning how to be still and listen. I look and I see Jesus (though being very active in ministry) still took time to be alone, to pray, to seek God. I think why things like a bird singing or the right song make me stop is because they remind me to be quiet. To listen. To be still.
"Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" -Psalm 46:10
So whether you get reminded by a flower blossoming, a song, a verse...I encourage you as I have been encouraged. Take the time to be still. Listen.
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